Thursday, November 17, 2011
The Little Crohnie that Could...
I am a heavy believer in ones perspective, attitude, and point-of-view either helping or hindering in the healing process. Growing up, my dad would always say, "You can do it!" or, "Don't just try...DO IT!" or some other bit of hyperbole to get me moving and continuing forward. As a young child, I always believed that my dad was always correct and that he would never do anything to intentionally harm me. While I learned the former to be a stretch of reality, I still trust the latter to be true. Knowing this has helped me to keep my hopes up, my aspirations high, and to never stop due to a challenge. While I no longer live with my dad, I have taken up his cause by telling myself so many excruciatingly contrary and hyperbolic statements.
If I am feeling tired and just feel like sleeping -- and I can sleep non-stop for over 24 hours -- I start telling myself, "Get up and work out! It will give you more energy. In fact, you will become a muscle man." If I feel pain in my abdomen, I tell myself, "Suck it up! That is just your body telling you that you made a mistake. NOW you know what NOT to do in the future. You WILL be stronger." I could go on, but I think you get the point. This positive self-reinforcement helps me get through a lot of the trauma and experiences of every day life. I don't know about others, but it is VERY easy for me to become a negative, depressed mess. Why would I want to reinforce a trait that would make me weaker, less sociable, and less healthy? I am already enough of a social retard as it is and have no need to feed the retardation.
Over the recent years, I have noticed that I have subconsciously been spreading the verbal hyperbole to others. If I didn't have Crohns like them, I am certain that I would have had my head bitten off several hundred times already. It is fairly easy to see the venom in their eyes at my statements. At first, I thought about toning down my statements or being more mindful of what I wrote or said concerning touchy subjects; but as I thought more on it I decided that it would be bad to concede. I needed to continue. I needed to try to bring a positive statement of strength to those I communicated with.
I have to do this. If I couldn't tell others what I tell myself, then I wouldn't be able to believe my own words. When something is written or said aloud, it gains greater foothold in the tangible world. When those ideas and statements are shared, they gain a life of their own -- perception becomes reality. Some people question my sanity and some my sincerity with what I say. I know the pain I have felt; that feeling of a 20 ton wrecking ball with 6" iron spikes materializing in your gut and trying to demolish you from the inside out. I know that feeling of pain where even twice the recommended dosage of morphine won't work. I also know that I won't attain heights any greater than what I aspire. I don't say it to minimize the pain and hardships; I say what I say to overcome them all.
I hope that this point-of-view and attitude can help others.